can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
