is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize