I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
