just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
