Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
