Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize