If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize
