I think im going to throw up on grandma
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just high enough for therapy.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
