I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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