When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
