Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I look better un-naked...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
