Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
