Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
