I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
