how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
