The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Floor bacon is actually really good
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
