In the future we'll all be gay
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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