I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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