She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
