Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
