We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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