WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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