I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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