Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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