She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
