did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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