You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
