this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
