I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize