See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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