My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
