Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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