she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
The air was thick with penises
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
