I'm sorry my penis didn't work
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
