I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
