She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
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