I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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