wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
