im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize