Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize