we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
