You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize