I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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