What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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