I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
