tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
home. puking in laundry basket.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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