Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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