I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
