I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
