This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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