Whod you bang
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
