My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
