Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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