lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
