now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
