Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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