the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Sober January is a disaster.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
