Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
