I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
