Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
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