thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
did i walk over a car last night?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
