sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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