just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
