she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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