I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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