please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
