I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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