please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
